Khloe and Tuesday Take Miami!

That Don Johnson was SO ahead of his time w/ white Toms

I am so pulling a Crockett and Tubbs, darlins!  Just arrived in Miami South Beach yesterday and looks like I'll be getting a little wild and stripping off my purple boot and tinkling my permanently pointed bare feet in nothing but white powdered trouble for the rest of the week! 


Whoa there, cool your jets! I mean the white powdered, sandy beach variety.  And not to worry:  I learned my lesson this summer in Carmel about the surf:

If you want to stay a-breast of my activities this week, (complete with live photos!!) simply follow my tweets on the right, or follow me on Twitter by clicking here: Tuesdays Tales.  Until then,

See you next Tuesday!

xoxo,

Tuesday

Deck the Halls with Nekkid Barbies, Falalalala, Lalalala!

Ok, I realize today is not Tuesday, but I've been a little preoccupied with the holiday craziness and co-hosting the 3-week celebration of my former child owner's (FCO's) birthday (it's week 2, BT-dub).

But it is December 1st, and that means it is officially the day Tuesday begins the Christmas season!  So time to celebrate!


 As you can see, I've put on my Christmas best for the season.  Here's a closer look:


My FCO and I have been non-stop, busy little elves, breaking only for champagne lunches, to get the house ready for the holidays.

Shall we take a tour of some of our magical handy work?  Let's see:  Buddy the Elf Tree and flamboyantly dressed, musician Christmas monkeys hanging from kitchen light fixture?

CHECK!


Magical Christmas fairies hovering over the bar?


That, too, would be a CHECK!



And last, but certainly not the least bit normal, I'd like to present this year's official Tuesday Taylor Tree!


All the kids in the playroom and a few slutty not-sure-their-age Bratz dolls came together to 'represent' in this magical collaboration of hermaphrodite dolls.  And in a truly, 'We are the world' exhibition, without even thinking about it, my TT tree truly represents a multi-cultural, PC depiction of all cultures and dismemberments.

A toast to the season!  I'll be in Miami Beach all next week (to finish the final, 3rd week of the bday celebration), but will make sure I pop in at my usually scheduled time! (Please note disclaimer at the bottom of the page)


See you next Tuesday!


xoxo,
Tuesday
DISCLAIMER:  None of the dolls participating in Tuesday's Christmas tree were intentionally beheaded or amputated, Additionally, each TCTP (Tuesday's Christmas Tree Participant) had been previously stripped nekkid by unknown, child doll strippers that have some sort of familial relation to my former child owner (FCO).

We Loaded Up the Truck & We Drove To Beverly (Hills, TX)

This week brings some good news and some really, really BAD news.
Naturally, my nekkid self would like to begin with the good. Let's begin with a prayer:
"Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. Tiny Jesus, with your golden, fleece diapers, with your tiny little fat balled up fist, I'd like to thank you for miraculously directing my former childhood owner's (FCO's) daughter to find my missing hand:

In case you were not aware, after over 36 years on this earth, I was tragically maimed a few weeks ago by this child:


and her meerkat pet, Whitey, whom she consistently insists is my "boyfriend". Sorry. Tuesday is simply not into bestiality.


Bottom line:  My hand was found so it's time to CEL-A-BRATE good times, c'mon!


Time for the bad news.


Did I mention I am a HUGE football fan?  

Notice the formerly maimed hand

I am.  And my college team is my FCO's alma mater, the University of Oklahoma.  Things were going good last week after the A&M game:


Truthfully, I'm not totally sure what went on that weekend, due to the medicinal beverages my FCO and her college sorority sisters were socializing with...
well, seriously, this is an entirely different blog we will need to discuss which involves a drunken, wobbling state governor, collegiate private part piercings, and a Kickapoo whore.


But that story will have to wait until next week.


Today is about the tragedy that happened last week in Waco. 

Although, it didn't technically happen in Waco. 


Technically, Baylor's stadium is located in Beverly Hills, Texas.  Are you effin kidding me?  Beverly Hills Texas in the middle of Wacko, TX?


Yeah, it is.  And there's cement ponds swimming pools and movie stars and road kill possums.

And they serve this kind of shit gourmet goodies at their tailgate:

Yes, I was riding high, atop the head of my FCO's nephew's foam core sooner schooner, (notice the Rodney Dangerfield Baylor Bears fan in the background),

then found myself, once again, on the fitty yard line, proudly saluting with my formerly maimed hand:

when I was sent into a Crimson Hell.

I've got tears in my beers, 

Brrrrr! That is ice cold on my non-existant lady parts!

'cause I'm cryin' for you, dear...


Let's get started on a more positive, albeit cloudy, start next week!

See you next Tuesday!

XOXO,

Tuesday

I do believe introductions are in order!

This is my E! True Hollywood Story.

My name is Tuesday Taylor.  I came into this world gift wrapped under a shoddy Christmas tree of a bachelor father in the '70's.  I was unwrapped by a precocious little girl and we instantly became besties.  Yes, my unique twisting scalp and my 2-color hair was just what my girl was writing letters to Santa for.


Today, I am an artist and adventurist and I'd love to share my world with you! But first, let's get a few things straight.  I am NOT a Barbie and I will really get my panties in a wad if you EV-UH call me a Barbie! Oh, wait! I don't wear panties anymore. You, like many who have had the pleasure to meet me over the years, may be asking yourself, "Tuesday, why DON'T you wear panties, or clothes, for that matter?" Very good question. The truth is, I am a fierce fashion icon and my mantra is 'NEKKID is the new black'. That's why.  I am, however, not opposed to accessories.


Second, while I am in a constant state of travel, adventure, and sometimes, trouble, (with my formerly child owner seen above), I DO NOT want to be compared to Flat Stanley.
Flat Stanley is a mere child, and I am CLEARLY 100% woman.  Besides, I've been hanging around this scene WAY longer than some 2nd grade teacher's paper doll from the nineties! See this stamp on my ass derriere and neck?









Read it and weep, Stanley!  1975!

You have nooooooo idea what I was doing in '75!
Besides planning for the Bicentennial, I was rockin' the disco scene,


going undercover to bust a bad ass sheriff who had been forcing his incredibly hot female inmates to turn tricks (yes, I mean I had to dress like an inmate hooker),









and fighting off killer sharks!

Don't worry! I gave the cancer sticks up in College!

Don't need no hate-er-ation.  It's just how I roll.

But lately my life pretty much consists of swinging nekkid from chandeliers around the world.  Don't judge!

Look me in the eye!

Hey you!  Look me in the eye!  Don't be denyin'. You know you kinda wanna roll that way too...


Hope you'll come back and join me on my latest adventure! 

I'm going to have a blog make-over this week, with a fab new look.  

See you next Tuesday!

XOXO,

Tuesday